When the same hard moment keeps repeating

Hi Reader

A few days ago, I wrote about this idea:

The paperwork is not the proof.

The pattern change is the proof.

I wanted to follow up with something more practical.

Because whether you are a parent, a school leader, a SENDCO, an inclusion lead, a manager, an HR professional or the person everyone comes to when things get difficult, the question is often not:

“Do we care?”

It is:

How do we know whether something is actually changing - without drowning people in more paperwork, pressure or emotional labour?

The place to start is usually not the whole system.

It is one repeated moment.

One pressure point.

One hot window.

Here are five better questions to ask.

1. What pressure point keeps repeating?

Then give mixed examples:

It might be:

• the morning transition before school
• the after-school crash
• bedtime
• screen-off
• arrival at school
• lesson re-entry
• parent/carer communication
• attendance follow-up
• a return-to-work conversation
• a team meeting that always becomes tense
• the same conflict landing with HR again
• a manager avoiding the same conversation until it escalates

2. What is the pattern underneath the visible event?

The visible event might be refusal, dysregulation, absence, shutdown, conflict, disruption, escalation, avoidance or burnout.

But what is the system telling you?

Is this:

• transition load?
• sensory overload?
• unclear expectations?
• a repair gap?
• adult uncertainty?
• a communication loop?
• a reasonable adjustment not yet holding?
• a trust fracture?
• an overloaded route?
• a manager confidence gap?
• a family, school or workplace system relying on one person to absorb too much?
• That’s very AmbiSense® and keeps it broader.
• ​

3. What are adults changing?

This still works, but I’d make it “adults/leaders”:

What are the adults, leaders or responsible people changing in the routine, script, environment or routing?

Then:

• What will we do differently?
• What will we say?
• What will we stop doing?
• What will we route earlier?
• What will we repeat?
• Who owns the next step?

4. What are people noticing?

Instead of only “pupils, staff and families,” use:

What are children, staff, families, managers or teams noticing?

Then include mixed examples:

• Is recovery quicker?
• Is the child entering sooner?
• Is the parent/carer less blindsided?
• Is the staff member clearer about what to do?
• Is the manager less avoidant?
• Is HR being pulled in less often?
• Is the same issue still escalating in the same way?
• Are people having to explain the whole story from the beginning again?

5. What will we track lightly?

Keep this almost the same, but broaden the measures:

• frequency
• recovery time
• avoidable escalations
• confidence
• communication themes
• attendance touchpoints
• absence touchpoints
• consistency of agreed language
• what changed after the routine was introduced

If you want to start somewhere this week, start with one repeated pressure point.

Not the whole system.

One hot window.

One moment where the system is telling you something.
​
Warmest,
​
Naomi

P.S. I wrote about how this applies to school inclusion evidence here: https://www.thehrologist.co.uk/blog-articles/how-to-evidence-inclusion-without-performative-paperwork​
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